


One and the Same

by AyanoTateyama



Category: Kagerou Project
Genre: Gen, hahaha really indulgent sib fic, i havent read the novels so i suppose its somewhat ooc, i love ayano being a big sis to kano Whooops, preteen kano hugging ayano, somewhat drabble-y writing, weird syntax and flow
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-23
Updated: 2014-03-23
Packaged: 2018-01-16 17:28:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1355764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AyanoTateyama/pseuds/AyanoTateyama
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ayano runs her hand through his hair, pushes his head closer to her every time she smooths the strands. She holds him like he is worth something, like he is special, like he is the pearl hidden in the sea, the jewel glinting in the rock, like he is more valuable than her shiny hair clips and her red cloth scarf.</p>
            </blockquote>





	One and the Same

**Author's Note:**

> yo kano is supposed to be about 11 and ayanos like 13, 14 yrs old. yeah. kano probably sounds younger tho sorry

Kano is searching for a flashlight when he hears something in the bedroom.  
  
Kido and Seto want him to find something to light up their pillow fort, but he pauses, bouncing on the balls of his feet, and steps back to the source of the sounds. They can wait.  
  
At first he thinks it's some sort of shuffling, maybe someone crumpling bed covers and getting ready for a nap, but then he realizes he hears someone speaking.  
  
It's Ayano's voice.  
  
He leans toward the door, pressing his ear against the wood.  
  
She is breathing shallowly, and her voice hitches as she exhales. The sobs rip out from her throat. Kano senses the way she tries to stifle them when she inhales, how she fails to silence them when she breathes out.  
  
She's crying.  
  
The words, if there are any, are fragmented, hazy, blurred, more noises than words.  
  
Kano takes a step back and his stomach twists in a knot. Something itches up his throat, an unbidden desire to barge into the room and throw himself into Ayano and hug her, and he swallows. He can make her happy, he tries so hard to believe, he can make her smile, he always has, so why is he not rushing through the door right this second?  
  
His hands are clammy and sweaty by now, and he wipes them on his pants. He's never seen his big sister cry. He doesn't _want_ to see her cry.  
  
She didn't cry when she sprained her ankle, nor when she lost her favorite sweater. She even didn't cry when she got a 65 on her big literature project.  
  
She didn't cry when her friend said he never wanted to speak to her, and she didn't cry when Ayaka died.  
  
Ayano doesn't cry. His big sister has wide, pretty eyes, and he can't ever imagine them stained red with blown blood vessels.  


  
A voice inside tells him he should check, just to make sure whether she really is crying, just to satiate his curiosity. Another voice tells him to leave Ayano be, he can't do anything for her, he cannot comfort her because he is Kano and he is a monster.

And another, the tiniest voice of all, repeats yet again, _maybe you could make her happy. She smiles around you_ and Kano's head is so full of voices that sound like his own, he doesn't realize he has edged toward the door and placed a hand on the handle until it's too late.

With guilt filling up his throat and worry twisting his guts, he pushes the door open gently.

The creak is just enough to make Ayano whip her head around, eyes glazed and cheeks wet. Her hair looks dry and ruffled, so different from the shiny smoothness her hair usually emanates, and her clothes are crumpled, like she has been wearing them for two months instead of two hours.

"Oh, Shuuya, what are you-" she wipes her face, sniffling, eyes wide "what are you doing here? Has something happened?"

And her voice is like sand on paper, rough, crinkled, cracked at the edges, and Kano's legs are already pulling him toward her, like a magnet, until he has rushed into her arms and landed on her with a _flump_. He is only a few inches shorter than her now, but he feels as if his hands will never fully be able to grasp her. They reach around her slouched back, fingers intertwining.

He is hugging Ayano now. She can't cry anymore. Everything will get better.

"Shuuya, I-"

He tightens his grip around her.

"Oh, Shuuya, I'm sorry."

She lifts his face from the soft fabric of her muffler.

"Did I worry you?"

He glances up. Her eyes are red.

He looks down at her scarf instead of answering.

"Shuuya, I am so sorry. I never meant to worry you. I was just feeling down, you know, with school and all. I'm sure you know I don't have the best grades."

His hands stay twined around her.

"Shuuya."

She puts a hand on his cheek. Kano leans into the warmth.

"It's nothing," she whispers. "Nothing at all."

Her voice is so gentle he can fall asleep to it. But there is an ache in his stomach, like he hasn't eaten in decades, an emptiness that burns through his insides, because her tone of voice is exactly like his. He had never noticed before, the exact same pauses and the exact same timing, the hesitance, the wait of 3 seconds before she clarifies. It is like when he is lying too. She is like him and he is like her and the revelation both eats him away and makes him love her even more.

Ayano runs her hand through his hair, pushes his head closer to her every time she smooths the strands. She holds him like he is worth something, like he is special, like he is the pearl hidden in the sea, the jewel glinting in the rock, like he is more valuable than her shiny hair clips and her red cloth scarf.

Kano thinks that Ayano pulls him like a magnet, only not, because only the opposite poles of magnets attract yet he and Ayano are one and the same, hiding behind smiles and closed doors and hoodies and mufflers.   
They stay like that for an eternity, or maybe a few minutes, and she pulls away slowly.

"I'm not sad. I love you, ok? I love you and Kousuke and Tsubomi. I love you so, so much."

Her voice is her voice again, and it sounds soft and warm and cozy and it lulls him all over again, because he knows she is saying the truth.  
  
"I want you to take care of them, ok? And they will take care of you. Like I take care of you."

"Ok."

"Good," she laughs, a breathy sigh and an easy smile. "You've been uncharacteristically quiet today, Shuuya."

She wipes her face again with her sleeve, and it's almost like she never cried at all.

"Go and play with Tsubomi and Kousuke again."

She presses a kiss to his forehead, like feathers and fabric, tickling like the autumn breeze. 

He lets his arms drop down her back, getting up slowly. He stands up and the bed groans. He imagines his bones creaking and rasping where the joints and tendons meet.

He is almost out the door when Ayano calls out again, an urgency flickering through her voice.

"Shuuya... let's keep this a secret. Please."

He turns and smiles, the same way he now knows that she does, and he says, "Keep what a secret?"

Ayano holds his gaze for one second, two, and then breathes out, laughing, delicate.

Kano closes the door with a smile on his face, eyes lidded, heading to find the flashlight Kido and Seto requested of him.

 

 

If Ayano lies too, then maybe there is hope for him yet, maybe he is not a monster after all.

He doesn't stop smiling the rest of the day.

**Author's Note:**

> one day i imagined ayano hugging kano and comforting him and stroking his hair, and it being really soft under her fingers, and kano closing his eyes and burrowing into her because he is still just a boy, and that image fucked me up so bad, kano loved his sister so much, she was his sun and his air and his life, kagerou fucked me up so bad


End file.
